Well, my oracle deck is taking on a life of its own. I’m going to digitally design all of the cards. I’ve started on a couple but I seem to be having technical difficulties. I need to get the format right or else any other work I do is superfluous. Once I get that sorted out it should be rather smooth sailing and I should be able to sail through the design process. It will just be a matter of sitting down and doing it. I plan on having a largish oracle deck by the time I finish. Probably over a hundred cards but less than one hundred and thirty. One hundred and thirty is the max deck size I can have printed by the particular print service I found. Since I probably can’t afford much more than that, hell if I even can afford that much, that will have to be my limit.
Besides that, I’ve taken an interest in Odin. I know, I know I have Netjeru to deal with already, but I really admire Odin. He seems… Charming. He is interesting. Odin has the gifts I’ve been looking to rediscover in myself. I think He could really help me grow. But at the same time, I don’t really see Him making thing easier for me. That doesn’t seem to be His style.
I know I have serious work to do on myself. I could be braver, much braver. I need to become stronger. Physically as well as mentally. I have a shitton of work to do. But I think I have some stuff down. Fidelity. I’m loyal as fuck. I don’t know about honor. That comes off as more prestige than personal ethics anymore. Honor just isn’t what it used to be.
I guess what I’m saying is I hope I’m good enough. I get so insecure about that. As if I’m not even good enough to worship a God. Even though that’s what they need to exist (probably). So what’s wrong with me. Am I too soft? I do need to work on that, but really is that enough to keep me from worship. I may be over thinking this.
Grr. This was supposed to be a post announcing my interest in Asatru. Maybe it still is. I just really do have everything colored by my depression. It just makes everything that much harder. And then the rewards seem lesser. It just really sucks.
But anyway. I’m looking into worshipping Odin. And by looking into I mean rushing into, or at least trying to learn the technical aspects right away, so I can actually do something. I’m trying to keep things like dishware separate. I’m trying to keep pretty much everything separate. But it feels important to keep even the little details separate.
Mostly because I need to separate them in my mind. I used to be Neo-Wiccan and I’m still trying to get out of the mindset that “all Gods are one God”. That’s something I new to relearn correctly. Not all Gods are the same by any means. Even very similar/supposedly the same deities are different. Isis and Aset for instance. Technically the same goddess with a “few” new attributes. But yet Isis seems to be different. She is a new Goddess; Partially that of Aset, partially something else.
Besides my more personal reason is that of respect. I feel like a historically informed approach to worship is more respectful than just throwing together traditions willy-nilly like. Again trying to get rid of new age, Neo-Wiccan concepts and thought patterns. That includes approaching deities without doing any research or swapping around rituals or deities with no regards to context whatsoever.
Just more stuff to work on, I guess. But that’s okay. We are a work in progress.
But since I started writing this I have done a bit. I’ve done a lot of research. Mostly on the basic ritual structure for asatru, a ritual called a blot or a faining. I’ve been trying to figure out how to go about it solo, as most blot instructions seem to be written for kindreds (small local groups). I don’t really know any asatruar, except maybe a couple mutuals on tumblr but they seem to be more of the lokean variety, so I’m not sure how much help they would be. Plus I have no idea how historically informed their practices are. Which is fine, of course, just not what I’m looking for right now.
Maybe someday when I get over my specific issues with Neo-Wiccan thought patterns, and what-not, I can just practice. But for now it is important for me to do my best with regards to researching and honoring the Gods.
So yeah… Odin.
Yeah, if you come across this and you happen to have advice or whatever I’d love to hear it. Drop me a line.