Ugh, my life feels like such a mess right now. Due to more mundane issues my spiritual practice has become stagnant. I really haven’t done much for a couple of weeks. I mean not so much as an offering of water.
I’m going to change that tonight. I can at least afford to offer some water and incense. If nothing else, I can manage that.
I want to talk a little about what has been so overwhelming. You know I’m mentally ill. It’s not much of a secret. I’m bipolar. It can be hard at times. On top of that I’ve been struggling to find some work.
My husband just resigned from his job, under the impression that we had to move. We had planned to move quite a way away. However, at the last moment my family decided he could come live with us.
This was a shock, as this was something we had been trying to convince them of for three years. But no, it couldn’t happen until we were a week away from moving and he had quit his job.
I’m still convinced it was a decision made with ulterior motives. In particular, control. She can’t control us if we’re that far away.
I may be being slightly paranoid, but I somehow doubt it.
But I digress. All of this has been preoccupying my mind and taking my time and precious energy. It has made my religious practice come to a stand still. I’m not giving up however. I just need to start over, maybe with a bit more consistency.
I plan on doing something tonight, but my real start over point will be the epagomenal days and Wep Ronpet. I’m going to decide on a day of the week and make that my shrine day. Since, apparently, daily practice is a bit too much for me right now.
So, it’s back to the start with me. It’s not so bad. I have knowledge now, that I didn’t when I started this path, oh, about ten months ago. I’ve learned so much since then, and that’s just the tip of the pyramid.
I’m excited and I feel guilt. Not for being excited, but because I ordered some books. It was right before we found out my husband couldn’t withdraw his resignation. Thus the guilt I feel. I spent nearly thirty dollars on three books. Not much, but still it’s a lot when you don’t have much.
It will be the first physical copies of books I have bought on Kemetic topics to date. I have three digital books, but no physical copies so far. So I am very excited. I also am very excited by which books I’ve bought. I won’t give deets on here, but I’ve already posted the names of all three on tumblr, so if you want to know you can find them there. My blog shares the title of this one, so you should be able to find it.
The first book I bought is about Ra. (If that isn’t a dead giveaway to what it is, I don’t know what is.) The second one is about Egyptian gods, a sort of encyclopedia of them, as a matter of a fact. The third is about Egyptian art.
I think the first two will be especially useful to me. Particularly as I am looking at becoming a Ra devotee. I say looking at as if I have a choice, when, really, I’m not sure I do. What can I say, when I prayed to Them (the Netjeru) for a sign that they exist, I had a dream about Ra. This was when I really didn’t know much about Him and as a matter of a fact I though He was Heru at first.
I was extremely unfamiliar with Ra and, honestly, He was the last god I would expect to show up for me. Like, the very last. So, yeah. That’s how I met Ra. I doubt it was a coincidence that one of the only metaphysical stores in town (and the only one that stocks statuary) happened to have a Ra statue and it happened to be both lovely and discounted. So I bought it. (Despite it being erroneously marked as Horus.)
Speaking of statuary. I had to move my shrines. They’ve sort of become one big shrine with a section reserved for my akhu. I’ll have to post a picture once I’ve finished this post.
So tl;dr: I have had some shit going on and it has halted my spiritual practice, but I plan on using Wep Ronpet as an opportunity to start over.